Friday, January 31, 2014

Foggy paths


It is four days later and two days until I see the UW Liver Tumor folks. I am, simply both frightened and hopeful as I face this next step. My "cemetery-side" funeral needs are resolved and I am hoping to talk to Mom's minister tomorrow (Tuesday) and both take care of the "ceremony side" of affairs and re-examine my spiritual side.

I spoke with my youngest cousin this evening and asked her to share the news with the rest of her side of the family, particularly my cousin David as he is a bit... fragile. We'll see how that goes.

I have yet to break the news at work yet, and am planning on doing so on Thursday. It is my intent to work as long as is practical (well, unless someone sends me a winning lottery ticket) and to be of service to my family and communities as long as possible. I have projects I want to see complete and obligations I want fulfilled while I am still relatively perky.

I'm already learning important lessons that I hope others can learn from me, rather than from life. Mainly, make sure you have short and long term life insurance and in funereal plan in place well before you need them. Ideally, paid for in advance.

I'm also learning to accept the mind-boggling love I've been showered with since this came up and the offers of support. For someone that has long been influenced by a desire to "not be a bother" and a certain shyness (often overcome with vigorous over-compensation) it's been affirming, heart-warming and tear-jerking - and I am immensely grateful for each and every one of these wonderful people.

For the most part, at least right now, I find myself past the desire to melt down every 10-15 minutes and mostly calm. The "I'm a cancer patient" meme runs through my head with an icing of horror and disbelief way too often, but I seem to be going through a period of calm - for now. There are still teary moments (that thankfully are internal for the most part - I'd really *like* to retain some shreds of dignity), but they are rarer.

That will be all for now. Posting will be irregular. Your mileage may vary.


Erin Palette said...

** HUGS **

Holly said...

I'm asking the angels to watch over you and bring you love, hope and healing. Consider yourself hugged long and well.