I moved back to Bigger City from Dusty Flats back in December, and have been job-hunting/doing temp gigs/getting back in touch w/ friends since.
Tuesday, I re-entered the halls of geekhood with a firm job offer, which I accepted and promptly went to dinner with friends.
Unfortunately, over drinks after, it became impossible for me to ignore that a friend who while remaining dear to me is, while innately a good person, does that goodness buried deep within a mire of negativity, passive aggressive behavior, anger issues, social awkwardness, and various other dysfunction.
I realized this person is *not* good for me to have around, since a lot of that sort of thing includes old behaviors of mine I've carefully worked to get rid of...and the damn stuff is contagious. I'd rather not be dragged back to that level, and the indicated course is - regardless of the fact I still care for the guy - to with as much gentleness as I can summon remove him from my life while keeping complications for mutual friends to a minimum.
This rather sucks, but needs nonetheless to be done, not unlike removing a tumor. Dammit. Is painful, if necessary - particularly in a friendship of a decade or more.
We'll see how it goes. So far, it's all been a fairly civilized distancing, and if I can do this in a new way that doesn't involve any lightning bolts, thunder, vindictiveness, or drama on my part...I'll earn a few brownie points and sleep a little better than I might under other circumstances.
A speaker I once heard put it..."We have to, for our own health, love them all. We can't afford anger or hatred. But we DO get to choose the distance we love them at. For some, intercontinental is just about right."
It's worth pursuing, as an alternative to drama.