Ray Stevens is needed, perhaps in a trio with Tom Smith (writer and singer of "Bermuda Triangle" )and Leslie Fish (of "They were having a sale at the Gun Store" fame, and much more)...nothing less will do to properly memorialize the oppressive yet doltish behemoth into which the TSA has rapidly evolved.
Verily, the latest actions of the TSA (implementing punitive and invasive pat-downs, complete with crotch-grope for everyone and titty-squeezes for the ladies, for those daring to opt out of the TSA Nudie Show Scanner) merit a great and mighty filking with a country-western twang.
Ridicule seems the best response - scathing, snarky, painfully cruel ridicule.
Of course, some suggest a more measured response. Summoning local law enforcement and filing sexual assault charges, or filing civil rights complaints, number among the approaches discussed. So is training small children to cry out "BAD PLACE! BAD PLACE! S/HE TOUCHED ME IN A BAD PLACE"....
A general recommendation - never, EVER, consent to be taken to a private place to be searched. Keep it public, and remember, witnesses can be a very good thing!
Now, on to MY suggestion. Girls and Boys, the uniform of the day is skirts'n'kilts...with the happy bits swinging in the wind. Lubrication is optional. Coating oneself in vaseline is just extra.
But, as you are publicly groped...any time you are touched inappropriately, moan loudly and begin simulating your best-ever orgasm. Repeatedly. With details. And requests for more. And compliments on technique.
Humiliation. It's a two way street.