Bar Etiquette

Now, I'm a gay man (not really a surprise to long time readers of this space) and from time to time, what with being single and all (and desirous of changing that condition) I go out to....gay bars, figuring them a notably more target-rich and lower-risk environment than the local Baptist gather... (though dear lord, when those repressed fundie boys come screaming outta the closet with all that pent-up energy....fun for MONTHS!)...

Last week, well, my best buddy and I went out...had a really nice dinner at La Fontana Siciliana before heading out to the bars. He's newly single and I've been single for years, so it seemed a sensible plan.

He'd bought dinner, so I was buying drinks...and two or three rounds in, I wandered on up to the bar and was getting a refill for us both...and to my surprise and dismay, a hand came out of nowhere and fondled the happy bits whilst asking how I was doing...

Now, I'm accustomed, even in the rowdier bars in the community, to a certain amount of... politeness... before such adventures begin. And I prefer a bit more privacy for the negotiations than standing in the middle of a bar, no matter how festive.

What with age and maturity, I'll admit I froze for a moment in disbelief and dismay (and to decide if the owner of the hand was sufficiently cute for forgiveness), before reaching down, removing the foreign hand from the jewels, and placing it (still attached to the owner) firmly upon the bar - only to get attitude for not thanking the surprise fondler for his attentions.

At which point the whole age and maturity thing kicked in again, and the phrase "is it really worth it?" came bouncing through my awareness...and I was forced to conclude that, tempting as it was, it really wasn't worth the inevitable chat with SPD that face-planting the offender into the bar-top would likely result in. Still tempting, though.

C'mon, guys - have a *LITTLE* couth. Even if you're drop dead gorgeous (and for the most part you aren't, and neither am I) surprise fondling is about as tacky as surprise buttsex - you'd be amazed at how much farther a little conversation will get you, and the improved reward quality you get.