I remember when....

I lived in a little college town out in Beyond Familiar Environs and worked a couple of jobs - dispatch for the college in a work study position and littlest bouncer in a college bar that sat three hundred or so, with live music three nights a week to keep things interesting. I was majoring in accounting, life lessons, and the pursuit of quality beer.

I am not now, and have not since my 15th birthday been a particularly petite person. At the time I stood 6'2" and clocked in around 240lbs or so..and had just finished up 4 years of campus security and bank courier work off in Lower East Hicksnittle. Our large bouncer stood about 7' Omigawd...

There were six of us most nights, and we weren't known for our subtle conversational technique. It helped that the sports teams liked us, probably because there wasn't anyplace else both big enough and friendly enough to relax even when the music was playing. It helped a lot when you realize that our main clientele was 21-25yo and busy at discovering their social limits utilizing a test-to-destruction experimental regimen.

The night in question, we had a little problem. New gal in the bar, a bit older than we were used to seeing, got a bit drunk and cut off. We tossed her for the evening, but she kept wandering back in and making off with customers drinks...not good, starts fights.

After about Round III of drunk tossing, the bar owner had enough and summoned the local officers. Now by my lights, cops in a college town deserve bonus points for tolerating excess B.S., but we were all amazed at the exciting new technique demonstrated before our wondering eyes...

Two officers and a sergeant come rolling up, and the officers latch onto our light-fingered lush and bums rush her out the front door...head first, before assisting her in high speed patrol car paint inspection, slapping on the bracelets, and tossing her across the back seat.

Owner never could leave well enough alone. He sidles up to the sergeant and asks from behind a beard of viking proportions, "Um...was that where we screwed up? We were to gentle?"

Methinks someone was having a bad night.